August 2008
25 posts
“Why am I bailing on Barack’s speech? Let me spin my role-an-excuse wheel.”
– Bill Clinton
“Biden is not the next Dick Cheney, but I’ll tell who is: Dick Cheney v2. Of all...”
– Dick Cheney
“John McCain’s military service is pretty gay when you think about it.”
– Joe Biden
“This just goes to show I do my best thinking when having sex … or should I...”
– Jessica Simpson
“I don’t really believe it is wise to set arbitrary time tables on troop...”
– Vladimir Putin
“Alicia Sacramone, been watchin’ ya bend that body like macaroni”
– Justin Timberlake’s Olympic rap
“You know I’m too crafty to get caught. As sasquatches, it’s sort of...”
– Bigfoot
“Medvedev just found out about the war a short while ago. I didn’t want to...”
– Vladimir Putin
“The thing about retarded people is that you really don’t need to make fun of...”
– Britney Spears
“Yao Ming is eating paella. What an amalgam of mismatched seafood! Did you guys...”
– Hu Jintao
“Jennifer Aniston, you will always be the celebrity starlet that got away.”
– John Mayer
“You must excuse my imprecise diction, only a few weeks ago was I permitted to...”
– Chinese gymnast Deng Linlin
“Isaac and Bernie: RIP, Motherfuckers”
– Samuel L. Jackson
“I’m completely out of sports cliches.”
– Michael Phelps
“All that I ask is that Georgia surrender unconditionally, declare me the ruler...”
– Vladimir Putin
“I know that’s inconsistent with what I just said, but I get to do that...”
– John Edwards
“Don’t believe the media’s lies, we aren’t hosting any...”
– Hu Jintao
“Is it possible to be drunk and hungover at the same time?”
– David Hasselhoff
“Between the rich white guy and the attention whore, I don’t know who I...”
– Donald Trump
“Obama can’t relate to regular folk like the topless women you’ll...”
– John McCain
“Alternating between ostensible cooperation and world-threatening belligerence is...”
– Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
“If Miss Daisy would shut the f- up, maybe I could avoid driving into ditches.”
– Morgan Freeman
“I’m not a monster. My name is Jesse. I grew up in Great Neck. I went to...”
– The Montauk Monster
