“ My ghostwriter must be a man of Middle Eastern background who possesses ability to write in prose that is lively, fun, and entertaining; think David Sedaris, minus the homosexual, white infidel stuff.
Osama bin Laden
Misquoter
“ Is it possible to abort a 44-year-old woman?
John McCain
“ I want to be the Joker for Halloween too!
Christian Bale
“ That Trader Joe’s warehouse fire was no accident.
Osama Bin Laden
“ You want to help me out? Don’t pour your grease down the god damn drain.
Joe the Plumber
“ I can’t side with turncoat Republicans. So fuck it. I’m now Barr all the way. Don’t make no got-damn difference that the motherfucker looks like Bert from “Sesame Street.
Samuel L. Jackson
“ Do you know how many times I had to turn down Dancing With the Stars? They’re like Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Ringo Starr
“ So what if my nose falls off? I still have my mouth!
Amy Winehouse
“ If I do win, my first kiss is going to be with an old chocolate maker in Belgium. Oh man, that is going to be sweet.
Barack Obama
“ I thought Barack Obama was a rookie wide receiver for the Chicago Bears. Turns out he only looks like a rookie wide receiver.
Peyton Manning
