“ Plan your monthly cycles around my tour schedule. I know, this sounds mean, and it probably is, but I only mean it out of kindness. I want the most of our time together when I’m not touring.
John Mayer
Misquoter
“ Why am I bailing on Barack’s speech? Let me spin my role-an-excuse wheel.
Bill Clinton
“ Biden is not the next Dick Cheney, but I’ll tell who is: Dick Cheney v2. Of all the clones I’ve had made of myself, he is the crown Dick.
Dick Cheney
“ This just goes to show I do my best thinking when having sex … or should I say when doing sex acts … or should I say when Tony tries to guilt me into performing a sex act.
Jessica Simpson
“ I don’t really believe it is wise to set arbitrary time tables on troop withdrawals. If we do that, then the Georgians have won.
Vladimir Putin
“ Alicia Sacramone, been watchin’ ya bend that body like macaroni
Justin Timberlake’s Olympic rap
“ You know I’m too crafty to get caught. As sasquatches, it’s sort of our thing. Hiding. We’re into it.
Bigfoot
“ Medvedev just found out about the war a short while ago. I didn’t want to interrupt his finger painting session.
Vladimir Putin
“ The thing about retarded people is that you really don’t need to make fun of them; they’re already hilarious.
Britney Spears
